I'm just tired. Tired of every dream and expectation I had when I was a kid falling to pieces before of my eyes. I wish people had been honest with me. I wish they'd tell me to prepare myself for a life time of disappointment and heartbreak.

I wish they'd tell me I'm never going to grow out of my awkwardness, so I'd better get use to it. I think movies should have disclaimers at the beginning; this events will never occur in real life, if they did you wouldn't be sitting inside watching a *ing movie.

I suppose we're all a bit lonely and broken. I suppose most of us just go through life, waiting for things to get better. For some they do, for others they don't. I reckon it's us to make the best out of it

Question is, are we strong enough to try?

Have you ever felt like keeping things to yourself & be alone? Then felt like crying for no reason but having the pain in your heart? Even when I'm staring at the laptop, tears can even well up whenever I start to think about something, which I had no clue to what was I even thinking. It's really frustrating having not getting any answer. Now I'm feeling guilty. I'm aware that I'm being a selfish person who always thinks for no one around me. However, that was never me until I got this 'depression'. Maybe I am too caught up with something which not even myself know.

Was I to blame? I think so.

Even if I did share my set of problems, the feeling of getting relieved would be temporary. Hence, I dropped that idea because it's useless. Sometimes you did share your problems, but not every angel is what they seem to be. After all the let out, you come to know you're secrets are given away. & You'll end up being upset even more.

Tell me if I'm being self-centered & egoistic.

I know the problem lies with me. & I can't help myself especially with the words that I used to make you go away. Sometimes I wonder why you like to see my bad side so much.

I just want to know one thing; how strong is this love going & how long will it last?

Won't you want it to crumble after I did so many things to you? I just don't want you to regret. & Hence, the tornado tried blowing you off without warning. But you're still here in one piece. Why?

I easily get sensitive & upset over small things. Maybe because I've been putting up with the same question for over a month. I know you're concerned, but I need some space just to take a breather. Shows how much you trust me. It really is a pain in the heart, but not broken yet. Soon it'll be, I guess. You said you want to heal me along with time as days go by. But it seems like you're manipulating the time you lost to kill me. We'll see how far this will go & how long I can tolerate this nonsense. Well, the reason for all these to take place was because you cannot see me.

monthsary coming, I hope you remember. For the fact that I've not been able to make you feel so delightful for what someone ever did to you. Maybe I should just drown all my hopes and get myself to be independent once again instead of sharing my happiness with one that doesn't even work.

Oh God, I'm feeling so messed up & troubled.

I don't feel like doing anything so I'm going to sleep. Hope this makes my emotional goes at rest as well. I'm tired of feeling exasperated, being denial to everything that's not fine. & The past which is haunting me without a valid reason. Life's unfair. Hopefully, I'll move on. & Forget what I did with my closest one.

It's over.
I have lost.
Tears have dried up.
I guess it's time to put down every single thing.
Place your past down.
And search for your future.
You have won, i have lost
My time and efforts have gone to waste.
I did not benefit from it.
I guess more or less you did.
It's doesn't matter now.
No worries.
I won't cry anymore.
It's useless, or maybe i am.
I guess.
Through more experience, you will forget your old ones.
Maybe those hurtful ones.
I'm starting afresh.
Focusing on one.
And of course.
Attachment :)